Have you ever found yourself biting your tongue at work, hesitating to say something to a colleague, afraid that it may offend them? Have you ever held back from cracking a joke at a meeting, unsure of how people may perceive you? Have you ever hesitated to give feedback to an employee from a marginalised group to avoid being seen as prejudiced?
If any of these questions resonate with you and have been your personal experience, you’re not alone. This is how many people feel about Diversity, Equality and Inclusion (DEI), and how the fear of ‘getting it wrong’ shows up. We’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, using the wrong terminology, being biased or being perceived to be prejudiced. We might be afraid of being ostracised, boycotted, shunned, fired or “cancelled” because of what we said or did.
This even extends to a fear of implementing DEI initiatives, not knowing if we’re doing it right, and being scared that in trying to be inclusive to one group we’ll end up excluding another.
Alongside this, we live in an increasingly polarised world where we’re conditioned by those who are in positions of power and the media to engage in dichotomous thinking. It’s easy to falsely frame an issue as having only two options, even though more possibilities exist. If we’re committed to DEI, we must be anti-white, anti-cisgender, anti-heterosexual, anti-able bodied and so on. On the other hand, if we’re anti-DEI, it’s assumed that we’re racist, sexist, homophobic, ableist, etc. Dichotomous thinking shuts down conversations with greater nuance, and closes the space to engage our reservations and concerns, excitement and opportunities.
These two issues can silence honest conversations at work - those ones that really need to happen in order for an organisation to grow and develop.
So how do we move past them? The answer involves getting to the heart of our fear, then shifting our perspectives.
Using curiosity to unlearn and learn
Much of the fear around DEI issues occurs from an incorrect understanding that DEI is a marginalised community issue, rather than a strategic and organisational one.
This is where the challenge at an organisational level lies - leaders are fearful of making broad systemic and cultural change. What if things don’t work out? Changing something that appears to be working to something that doesn’t feel like a big risk, when the evidence shows otherwise.
To do this requires curiosity - curiosity to unlearn and learn and to make mistakes. It’s through curiosity that we expand our understanding about the bias and discrimination around us. This enables us to stop seeing DEI as a threat and, instead, start seeing it as an opportunity for growth and development.
How can we develop this curiosity? Firstly, it’s important to remember that we’re all learning along the way. There will be times we get it right and other times when we don’t, but we cannot let fear of failing hold us back from engaging in DEI initiatives.
We will make mistakes. Even those of us who work with DEI will make mistakes. But reframing these moments when we get it wrong as ‘intelligent failures’ is a way to turn them into a learning experience.
The concept of intelligent failure was developed by Harvard Business School professor Dr Amy Edmondson. While failure was first regarded as a negative issue, then pivoted to being seen as desirable (fail fast, fail often’), Professor Edmondson argues that neither extreme enables us to distinguish between good failures and bad ones.
She suggests that there are three forms of failure - complex, basic and intelligent failures, two of which are relevant in this context. Basic failures are usually caused by human error which results in an undesired outcome - we made a mistake. Many of our daily mistakes in the busyness of our day are basic failures. Some of our DEI efforts may constitute basic failures when, because of inattention, assumptions, overconfidence and neglect, we end up getting it wrong. For example, misspelling someone’s name or referring to someone with their incorrect pronouns even though you knew what their pronouns were.
Intelligent failures happen in new territory, where the context presents a credible opportunity to advance a desired goal, when it’s informed by available knowledge, and when the failure is as small as it can be to provide valuable insights.
DEI initiatives present a definite opportunity to move things forward towards greater inclusion, diversity and equity in our workplaces, and are grounded in robust evidence, research and know-how. Experimenting in these efforts should be seen as opportunities for intelligent failures that in turn provide opportunities for growth and progress.
Accept that you will make mistakes. Instead of focusing on getting it right all the time - and in turn avoiding engagement - focus on using every interaction as an opportunity to learn from an intelligent failure. Be curious and ask yourself the following questions:
- What can I learn from this?
- How can I change the words I am using to be more inclusive?
- What words, language or topics do I need to learn more about?
Move from debate to discussion and dialogue
Alongside this, we need to create sufficient space for multiple realities and opposite things to coexist at the same time - shifting away from polarised thinking.
Being pro-DEI does not make us anti-white or anti-men. Constructively critiquing the patriarchy does not mean hatred of men. Interrogating the system of racism that devalues the life of people of colour does not mean the hatred of white people.
What we are doing instead is constructively critiquing systems of oppression, identifying who benefits from those systems and, most importantly, what needs to change to make these systems fair.
To do this, there needs to be space for multiple realities to coexist, and for this to happen effectively, there needs to be a shift from debate to discussion and dialogue.
In a debate, each party has to take a stand for or against the motion, and there is only one winner. We try to convince the other person of the rightness of our position. This only increases our defensiveness, as well as that of the other person, and leaves little room for increasing understanding and shifting mindset. In debating, we become more attached to our own view, rather than being open to other’s views - we want to avoid ‘losing’ the argument. It’s a form of non-relational communication where we are not using the opportunity to learn from and build our relationships with others who may hold differing views from us.
But as social justice issues are not always clear-cut, with many viewpoints in the space between the extremes, we need to be able to hold space for more nuanced discussions so that we hear different perspectives, and have richer dialogues. This is what helps to shift our mindsets from being fixed to being open to growth.
When we engage in discussions and dialogues rather than debates, we’re open to learning about multiple perspectives while examining our own assumptions and pre-held beliefs. We can reflect on the limitations of our views while being open to consider other perspectives.
The next time you find yourself discussing bias, discrimination or other DEI topics,
resist the temptation to debate and focus on having a discussion and dialogue. You may walk away feeling enriched and open to shifting your own position on DEI-related issues.
A new form of understanding
To let go of our fear of getting it wrong, we need to have curiosity, which then enables us to turn the perceived threats of DEI into opportunities. Engaging in intelligent failures and holding space for multiple realities will also allow us to question our own position and be open to learning about other perspectives and opinions.
Ultimately, it’s these approaches that will allow us to let go of fear, move past polarisation and actually engage in honest conversations in the workplace. As Marie Curie once said, ‘Nothing in life is to be feared.” It is only to be understood.’
